“In
matters of sexuality we are at present, every one of us, ill or well, nothing
but hypocrites.”
-
Freud
In traditional Freudian theory, Sigmund Freud addresses what he
believed to be the four primary stages of human development: The “Oral Stage” (from the moment of
birth until one year of age), the “Anal Stage” (from one year in age until
around 3 years old), the “Phallic Stage” (from three until six years old), and
the “Genital Stage” (from adolescence until adulthood). Freud believed, I’d wager with some
clarity, that a human being cannot go beyond the final stage of development
that begins in adolescence, i.e. the “Genital Stage”. This concept is central to Psychoanalytic Theory, and I’d
wager Freud himself wouldn’t have had very much trouble devising later stages
of development – were it not basic to Psychoanalytic Theory that the “Genital
Stage” is the final and ultimately permanent condition of all Human adults.
We
would like to believe as a civilized peoples that we have, in fact, transcended
our childish ways and become fully grown adults; free from the wantonness of
youthful indiscretion. We like to
think of ourselves as fully conscious, fully aware rational beings… However, most adults ignore or simply
overlook two key components of Psychoanalytic Theory:
1)
The role
of irrationality in society and, yea, our own individual Being-Towards-Death.
2)
That
“the early stages (of development) provide the foundation for adult behavior.”
I rather like this theory as an explanation of why fully mature adults
often appear so facile and childish. The fact is, the idea that Humans never really fully outgrow
the adolescent “Genital Stage” has a great deal of merit to it. For there to be, in actuality, any of
the later stages of development that more recent theorists have posited, one –
as a thinker – must fundamentally deny the truest instincts of Human
“will”. That is, the will to
survive. The unending struggle for
survival begins, in my humble opinion, in adolescence when our cognition comes
to a kind of primordial fruition.
Think of sex!
Is there anything more central and basic to the human condition and
existence on Earth as the Human reflex to reproduce? Is there ever a time when this, what I’ll term, reflex to
fornicate is as ripe as it is during adolescence? Considering the rates of teenage pregnancy and the eventual,
inevitable, death of the ability to reproduce in later life for women, as well
as – to be perfectly frank – just how intensely passionate I, personally,
remember teen sex to be; I’d sincerely doubt it. The fact is, from the highest officials in government to the
lowliest urchin living off of the government – we are still merely ignorant
children, so to speak, grappling and groping blindly with the unknown world of
Being-Towards-Death. Death and
taxes are two basic things that each and every American experiences
universally… Simply, this is to
merely say that we all die – in the end.
According to Freud, “Sensual satisfaction (from stimulation of the
mouth, anus, or genitals) is linked to developmental needs, challenges and
conflicts. How people experience
and resolve these conflicts… determines personality patterns.” In this course of this paper, I shall
attempt to examine and analyze my own development in the context of what,
especially at the time, was a truly groundbreaking theory regarding our truest
Modus Operandi: That is, sex.
I was born on April 21st, 1985 in Fairfax Co., Virginia
during the wee hours of the morning.
The birth, as I was the first of two children born to my folks, was a
relatively long and stressful process for my dear mother. Despite this, I was a healthy birth
weight with no complications during childbirth.
Upon entrance into this fair world, I began breastfeeding. I breast fed until around 9 months
after birth. This, proximally and
for the most part, was my initial engagement with what Freud termed the “Oral
Stage”, in which psychosexual pleasure is derived from the infant suckling the
mothers’ breast. For the first
three months of life, I was breast fed exclusively with no bottle. Around three months of age I was
introduced to a bottle.
This may, in fact, have started the weaning process slightly too soon,
as at around 11 months of age I was introduced to a cup. However, I experienced difficulty
transitioning from bottle to cup, and to be perfectly frank, there is a sense
in which I experienced a certain amount of challenge and conflict with this
“Oral Stage” of development, leading to what I’ll term an “oral fixation”.
This is evidenced by the existent fact that I am a heavy smoker. Perhaps my near pathological
smoking habit was merely a neurological response to not being weaned
properly. Maybe, in fact, it was
my own reticence to leave the nipple, etc. I would, personally, posit that this stage of development
was a critical period in which I, as an infant, failed to move beyond my own
neurologically hardwired sense of sexual pleasure derived from “suckling”.
As I mentioned, to this day I am a heavy smoker, love cold beer and hot
coffee, and have even been told by dentists that I have the bad habit of
grinding my teeth during sleep.
Perhaps an oral fixation continues to this very day due to my inability
to wean properly. Perhaps my folks
weaned me too soon. Who
knows! The role of the irrational
obfuscates most reasoned attempts at interpretation of the phenomena of
existence.
Through much trial and error, I eventually left the ‘nipple’ and
transitioned to drinking from a ‘sippy cup’. Around this time I began toilet training; at the age of 2 ½
I was able to use the bathroom without a diaper. According to my mother, I was toilet trained relatively
easily, meaning that the way in which I coped with what Freud termed (the much
dreaded) “Anal Stage” was fairly effective, leading to little or no anal
fixations. This is evidenced by
the senses in which I dislike anal sex, I’m not particularly “anal retentive”
(I’m a kind, understanding person at heart), and take no joy in using the
toilet. In this context one
wonders; what kind of man I would be had I not properly been toilet trained?
The sophisticated, intricate, and subtle ways early childhood
development affects the adult mind can hardly be fathomed… Yet this was exactly the crux of
Psychoanalytic Theory, explicitly conceptualized by Sigmund Freud. What a theory!
From approximately the age of 3 until age 6, I went through what is
known as the “Phallic Stage”, in which I – as a young child – came to take
pride in my penis. Had I been
psychologically examined, I probably would have exhibited a kind of cognition
that saw my mother to, also, be endowed with such a source of pride. This is what is known as the “Phallic
Woman” phenomena, in which the child experiences an “image or fantasy of a
woman endowed with a phallus”. If
this seems at all odd, that’s because it is! The phallic stage is probably the beginning of the sexual
drive directed towards the penis or lack of a penis. Experienced by boys as the Oedipal Complex and by girls as
the Castration Complex (i.e. early manifestations of penis envy) the phallic
stage is absolutely central to a young Human’s healthy development, which I
would wager is where Freud’s critics see his Psychoanalytic Theory as lacking
substantiality. It seems
tremendously counter-intuitive to many women to say that a females’ unconscious
mind envies the males’ possession of a phallus.
The most common element I’ve seen scoffed at in Freudian theory is just
this… Yet isn’t it telling that
the biggest sticking point for critics of Freud is regarding his emphasis on the
importance of the phallus-as-such.
I say “phallus-as-such” because of the often humorously cited quote
attributed to Freud that “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”, which I take to
mean that a phallus was literally, not figuratively, meant by Freud in the
context of Psychoanalytic Theory to indicate the male sex organ. Again we find the role of sex running
through all four stages of development, from childhood on into adulthood and
remaining a Human organism’s primary Modus Operandi right up until an individual
passes on.
Around the nubile age of 12, I entered into the final stage of
psychosexual development; this is known as the “Genital Stage”. I agree ardently with Freud that this
stage continues on well into adulthood and one never, really, transcends this
fundamental stage of psychosexual development even up until, as I outlined,
one’s eventual demise. This is a
basic premise built within the necessary foundations and presuppositions of
Psychoanalytic theory, one which I think can be determined to be true,
ironically enough, by virtue of how offensive it seems to modern man. All people of adult age would like to
surmise that their childish and adolescent infidelities are a thing of the
past; however, I think the popularity of luxury automobiles, reality
television, pornography, as well as a myriad of other cultural icons prove,
irrefutably, that the preconscious neurologically hardwired drive for the act
of sex and sexuality in general shines a light on the grim existential fact
that we - as a species - never, truly, advance or progress beyond this
primordial “Genital Stage”.
According to the science of human development, I could be said to have
entered this stage out of a period of latency rather innocently. I attended a summer camp at NCSA around
the age of 15, in which I experienced my first bout of heterosexual
indulgence. After “popping my
cherry”, I returned to schooling in the fall semester a virtually changed young
man.
At this point in my psychosexual development, genital stimulation was
of primary concern (unfortunately, rather than my schoolwork). After my first true relationship
(sexual) with a nice young woman who attended my high school, I fell
dramatically and irreversibly in love.
I immediately dropped out of high school and began a courtship process
with a young woman I fancied and whom had been an early childhood friend. She reciprocated my affection, and we
eventually moved into our own place together in Asheville, NC.
However, this young love lacked the kind of emotional responsibility
necessary for a healthy relationship, due to our age and lack of maturity. Upon being confronted by this young
lass with emotions such as hysteric sadness and feminine waning and ailing, I
responded irresponsibly with what the ancient Greeks referred to as “menis” or
“rage”. I, tragically, treated
this fine young lady poorly, mostly due to my selfish genital fixation and lack
of mature emotional coherence.
After a long bout of approximately 5 years or so, she left me behind to
pursue success in NYC; leaving me all alone to live with my folks again back in
Pittsboro.
During this time my folks and I experienced, harshly, even more of my
youthful “menis”. The sexual
frustration of loosing my high school sweetheart as well as my complete lack of
education for a vocation left me, now in my mid twenties, stranded and
emotionally desolate.
Eventually, though, I moved to Raleigh, NC. Living on my own as a bachelor was a liberating
experience. I found in my
independence a kind of emotional integrity and insight. Soon, the love bug struck again and I
found myself falling completely and devastatingly in love; this time with a
nice woman who would eventually become my fiancé. I, idealistically and without due diligence regarding the
serious of marriage, proposed to her and she accepted.
This phenomenon I believe was, in true Freudian fashion, still
basically a desperate act of unconscious genital fixation as well as some kind
of desperate and dire drive towards reproduction. However, this time I approached my relationship with far
more emotional responsibility than before, and treated my love with an
unyielding respect, kindness and compassionate understanding. Despite my best efforts, this young
woman would eventually leave to move back to her home state; leaving me, once
again, heartbroken and forlorn.
Such is the folly of man…
In reflecting upon my last relationship I realize that erotic love is
much like a drug. It lasts for
only a short time, during which period the participants feel a deep sense of
euphoria; and after an initial stage of an intense “falling” in love, we
develop a sort of neurologically bound tolerance to the stimulus of affection
and genital satisfaction.
Hopefully, for most people, this is where some kind of mature love comes
into play – however, due to the existent facticity of our fallen
Being-Towards-Death, I would say most relationships degenerate due to our
continuing “Genital Stage” complexes and mans’ inherent, innate
immaturity. I read Freud’s
emphasis on this final stage of Being-In-The-World to mean that we, as a
species, are incapable of escaping the sex drive. Even if one does manage to find some kind of homeostasis in
a mature, long-term relationship – I’d personally wager we always, in a sense,
pine for that first initial rush of falling in love. That’s why I say mankind is, truly, young forever. We’re all still kids at heart.
And this comports with some of the teachings of Jesus, who remarked
somewhere in the New Testament that one should always look at the world with a
kind of childish amazement and wonder at the great mystery. I think he was right on the money. It’s far better to confront one’s
psychological pathologies from our years of youth than to look at all of one’s
failings and inadequacies with what Freud termed “disavowal”. Yet this seems to be the dominant
instinct of most people. As former
POTUS George w. Bush once proffered, one must not blink in the face of terror.
I was 16 years old when the Twin Towers in NYC crumbled to the ground,
killing thousands of civilians. I
remember witnessing the images of a burning tower on live television as if I
were in a dream, and responded to the trauma (I believe anyone who was
cognizant enough to witness this horrific tragedy was, in fact, traumatized)
with what the ancient Greeks termed “ataraxia”, or a kind of trancelike
emotionless state of untroubled calmness.
I can recall my teacher, as the second tower fell, crying at the sight
of it all. I remember the shock of
my classmates. I couldn’t even
understand, in a basic way, what was happening. The entire world changed on that day. 9/11.
So I spent all of my years of development after this in a country that
was at war with terrorism, and I would like to think (and even hope) that this
caused me to develop in such a way as to discover a kind of compassionate
respect for human life, a kind of yearning for justice, and a hardheaded drive
to weather the storm and come out on top.
During this period shortly after 9/11, I began composing electronic
music regularly, putting copies of my compositions on the now burgeoning world
wide web, for free. It was due to
this drive towards unselfish service that I believe I coped with a world that
had fallen into terror, war and violence.
This occupied much of my early life, and I found that people were rather
impressed with my compositions, which attained some kind of contextual cultural
currency in lieu of the post-9/11 climate. I found myself organizing, booking and playing local shows –
playing at venues in NYC, and generally flourishing musically. It was a very weird time in history,
one that I reflect back on with a kind of somber remembrance and youthful
nostalgia. I’ll never forget. I will always remember.
So,
in conclusion, it is not – in fact – my conscious cognition that has freed me
from the tribulations of life-as-such.
Rather, it is my unseen preconscious and unconscious erotically oriented
nature that binds me, and yea all of human suffering, to a brute, basic and ultimately
primordial existence. This primordial
state of Being-In-The-World is such that as far as I may go in the course of my
development I shall never, according to Freudian Psychoanalytic Theory, go
beyond the stage of development that began in adolescence and continues today
and will go well on into the future; i.e. the “genital stage”. This underlines the importance and
pervasiveness of the basic human instinct of “Being-Towards” sexual
gratification. Accordingly, I will
remain – happily and with no embarrassment – young forever.
“We are often most
ignorant of that which is closest to us.”
- Nietzsche
